i'm nervous.

i wonder why introductions make me so nervy?

like that time i met hank green after a show in london and went to tell him "you were really great"but it came out "you were rate". like that time i meant to ask for a return into town on the bus, but instead asked for a plural. like that time.. you know, i could go on forever, but we'd be here all day.

that's what we're dealing with here. my ability to misspeak is beyond ridiculous. i have a stutter that only comes out when it wants to (meeting band members, purchasing train tickets) and an awkward avoidance of eye contact. but really, when does enough eye contact become too much eye contact? i'd rather play it safe and look at my shoes.

i started the year wanting to start a youtube channel. not for anything but myself, to give myself a challenge. i'm sick of stammering out my starbucks order. i figured even if only four people watched my videos, it would give me a bit of a boost. but i didn't quite realise how much time and effort goes into making videos. i tip my hat vloggers like dailygrace that i've been watching for ages. seriously, the thinking of things to say, the lighting, the filming, the editing.

so i had a rethink. i am an avid follower of other youtube personalities, but the ones that inspired me to create a blog were zoella (blog) and sprinkleofglitter (blog). these two were bloggers before youtubers, which i find to be really interesting. zoella in particular has been a source of inspiration for me. sure she is beautiful, and she is a great beauty vlogger/blogger. but she has something else. her battle with anxiety and panic really spoke to me.

so this is me, trying to get a bit less panicky and a bit more go get 'em. and hey, maybe in a year's time i'll be posting about my first youtube video too.